adventures in craft beer in Perth and beyond

The Session #78

Beers

The Session is a monthly event for the beer blogging community, started by Stan Hieronymus of the Appellation Beer blog. This is how it works: on the first Friday of each month, beer bloggers write about a predetermined topic. A different blog is chosen to host each round of The Session. The host blog selects a topic, and then posts a roundup of all the responses received. For all you need to know about this beer blogging concept, including the upcoming topics, check out the Brookston Beer Bulletin’s blog page about The Session.

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What: The Session, Beer Blogging Friday, No. 78
When: Friday 2nd August, 2013
Host: James Davidson of Beer Bar Band
Topic: Your elevator pitch for beer

Here’s the scenario:

You walk into an elevator and hit the button for your destination level. Already in the elevator is someone holding a beer…and it’s a beer that annoys you because, in your view, it represents all that is bad with the current state of beer.

You can’t help but say something, so you confront your lift passenger with the reason why their beer choice is bad.

30 seconds is all you have to sell your pitch for better beer, before the lift reaches the destination floor. There’s no time, space or words to waste. You must capture and persuade the person’s attention as quickly as possible. When that person walks out of the elevator, you want them to be convinced that you have the right angle on how to make a better beer world.

… and here we go …. 

After a little friendly elevator banter I ask my new friend why they purchased a 6 pack of Pure Blonde, they reply with a casual shrug, “I don’t know, I just always drink it”. Unleash the elevator pitch which, by the way, in my head the tone is friendly and funny like Adam Hills, not ranty and angry like Dennis Leary …

Imagine someone asked you, for no reason, to eat plain white toast for breakfast every day for a year. You wouldn’t do it would you? Not when there’s a world of eggs benedict, pancakes, croissants and English fry ups.

So … [points to their beer] … that beer – it’s toast, it’s boring old toast and you’ve condemned yourself to drink it time and time again.

Did you know there’s a Scottish brewery who put one of their beers in taxidermied animals? I’m not saying good beer only comes in the form of beer in roadkill but man, you’ve gotta get your head out there and check .. shit … out!

Flavours like chocolate, caramel, pine, citrus, coffee, rum, grass, banana, funk and god knows what are waiting for you! Was your Pure Blonde aged in cognac barrels? Was it the first beer by somone who gave up their career to follow their passion for beer? Nope.

Besides, you deserve better than Pure Blonde. You look like a man of the world, a man of good taste, what are you doing pouring this rubbish down your throat? You might as well drink Yellow Glen and call it champagne; ride a bicycle and call it a camel!

They say variety is the spice of life, there are plenty more fish in the sea, life’s too short, fuck it – they are all just sayings but hear this … Craft beer is the mother-fucking bomb. Get into it. Now. Trust me, I used to be a bartender.

Thanks James for hosting The Session, doing a fine job of “rallying the troops” and a great topic!

11 Responses to “The Session #78”

  1. steve

    love the toast analogy but how would you describe “funk” as a flavour to someone who had no idea what you were talking about?

    Reply
    • girl + beer

      My initial thought was “James Brown in your class!” but you have a good point and I’m not really sure how I’d phrase it without a beer in my hand. Though I hope, in the context of an elevator pitch, hearing the word “funk” would get someone more intrigued!

      Reply
  2. Bryan

    With all these people downing beers on elevators, I want to know where the party’s at.

    You bring the beer, though.

    Reply
  3. vonschlapper

    Nice post! I’ve always though that “Eggs Benedict” make a very convincing argument; vonschlapper.wordpress.com/2012/12/02/breakfast/

    Reply
  4. Daniel Blake

    “Trust me, I used to be a bartender” would make an excellent catch phrase 🙂

    Toast analogy is spot on. Life’s too short to drink boring beer.

    PS Have to say I’d choose a bicycle over a camel any day of the week though, those things are not a comfortable ride

    Reply
    • girl + beer

      I suspect I’ve used that phrase too often in my every day life 😛 I’ve never been on a camel but I would have to agree just on the grounds that it’s far less likely that the bicycle will spit on you!

      Reply
  5. The Session 78 Roundup – You pitched, you scored | beer bar band

    […] Joining the club of virgin Session contributors from Australia that I was able to woo via email, Pia Poynton of Girl+Beer declares her dislike for Pure Blonde, a low-carb larger from Carlton United Breweries (SABMiller) by labelling it “boring white toast”. Comparisons between generic bland beer and generic bland food products are used a number of times across this session. Whilst the tactic can provide a powerful eye-opener of perspective, is it really an effective method to win over the listen? Let Pia’s pitch be the judge : https://girlplusbeer.com/2013/08/02/the-session/ […]

    Reply

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